Dating dilemmas

Ugh,dating is hard. Meeting someone, arguing, breaking up, making up,breaking up again. I mean who has the time? I’ve experimented with some dating app the latest one being Tinder. I arranged to meet a guy who was interested, crushed hard and then found out he didn’t want a relationship. ( Okay then, I’m just gonna go ahead and cry. Thanks for wasting my time, jerk. )

sad how i met your mother GIF

I chatted with a few guys on snapchat. Again,arranged to meet with a guy,thought he was the best thing since a sliced pan, and it all went to shit. ” Let’s go for dinner but I want to do adult stuff afterwards and every time after that.” Like seriously dude?That’s your way of wooing a woman ?

confused wait what GIF

After all the crying to my mam over what could have been, I was repeatedly told ” well back to the drawing board” to which I wanted to scream if she said that phrase again.  Dating is tough. At times, all you want to do is get out the tub of ice-cream and have a good cry while watching a romance film on this particular occasion.#heartbreak day

bridget jones GIF

A lot of people keep looking for “the one”. I do believe that there is someone for everyone. Someone who understands you, is faithful and kind. Maybe we just need two steps to one day finding the one.

Step 1- Learn to love yourself first. How can you love someone else if you don’t love you first? Self love is so important. It may seem selfish but putting yourself first can actually be good for you.

Step 2- Keep looking. Don’t give up on your search. Do your own thing but get out there,socialize, keep dating and eventually you will meet the right person for you.

Breathing gifs for anxiety

I have compiled a few breathing gifs that you can use at anytime by returning to this page.  I suffer from anxiety and I know how hard it is to try and control your breathing especially in a panic attack .These gifs can help.

mental health mic GIF

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

relax chill GIF by DeStress Monday

 

 

 

 

 

relax chill GIF by DeStress Monday

 

 

 

 

 

mental health mic GIF

 

If you are ever experiencing a panic attack or just need a breather,return to this page and perform the breathing exercise gifs above. I hope these help. Take care x

Sunshine Blogger Award

 

Image result for sunshine blogger award

This week I was nominated by the lovely ramblings of a neurotic writer. I’m not gonna lie I was shocked to be nominated due to the fact that I haven’t been blogging that long. Thanks to ramblings of a neurotic writer for the nomination. Her site can be found here  http://ramblingsofaneuroticwriter.blogspot.com/ .  Vada writes about long distance,book reviews,coping with anxiety and general every day stuff. Her website is really great so head over and check out her posts.

I will briefly discuss the rules if you are nominated so read carefully:

  • Thank the person who nominated you and remember to link their blog to your sunshine blogger award post.
  • Answer the 11 questions asked by the nominator
  • Nominate 11 other bloggers
  • Ask them 11 different questions
  • List the rules
  • Display the sunshine blogger award on your post or blog site.

 

Questions asked by Ramblings of a neurotic writer

Why did you start blogging?                                                                                                                         

I started blogging because I have always loved writing but also more so in recent years, wanted to help people with mental health issues. I suffer from anxiety and have suffered from depression in the past so it’s a topic close to my heart.

What’s your favourite genre to read?                                                                                                        

 I love reading thriller,romance and mystery novels.

What are three things you would take to a desert island?                                                                  

 I would take an Agatha Christie novel, my camera and my dog Rocky.

Who is your favourite author/poet?                                                                                                            

My favourite author is Agatha Christie.

If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?                                                                

I’d be a cat because I would never be stressed and I could take several naps throughout the day.

What is your go to comfort food?                                                                                                              

Chocolate.

Favourite TV show/film?                                                                                                                                

 If I’m being completely honest I don’t really have one but If i had to pick , Clueless or Dirty Dancing.

What 5 things could you not live without?                                                                                              

 My family, chocolate, my phone, animals, fitness

Do you have any pets?                                                                                                                                     

Yes I have one dog. He’s name is Rocky and he is a jack russell terrier.

What was your favourite subject in school?                                                                                            

 English.

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?                                    

 I would go to Santorini, Greece because I can just imagine myself stress-free ,sitting amongst the blue sea and the white houses with the blue roofs and just thinking ,this is paradise.

 

I nominate:

@aspergirlkylie

@delpoi

@Polley93

@lifeasbeccaa

@hamster says

@M4gicalx

@foreverwander12

@simplyxannablog

@samcomparone

@StealTheMGaming

@24 tianabryant

 

 

My 11 questions

  1. What do you like to do in your spare time?
  2. Favorite actor/actress
  3. Best book you’ve read
  4. What country are you from?
  5. What’s your favourite thing about blogging?
  6. How did you come up with the name of your blog?
  7. Are you an introvert/extrovert?
  8. What does being a blogger mean to you?
  9. First three songs on your playlist
  10. Are you a morning/night person?
  11. What’s the best life advice you could give someone?

 

I hope you guys enjoyed reading. Talk soon x

 

I went on Tinder for a week and here’s what happened

Image result for tinder

You can see from the title what this article is about so without further ado , this was my experience of the dating app Tinder.

My settings – Interested in men
Within 50 km

Age 18- 25

My bio: 5’3 . Looking for relationship. x Text me. Enjoy blogging,watching movies,listening to music and photography.

  • Day 1 – 5 matches
    I installed the app. Swiped left,swiped right. Got 5 matches.No conversations.

 

bored tinder GIF by SoulPancake

 

  • Day 2 – 15 matches
    Swiped yes – 107
    Swiped no –  640

On day two, a few guys said hey and that was it . A few conversations started.  One guy asked me to be his girlfriend after five minutes of a conversation and hasn’t been heard from since. Tinder started to become addictive.

chris hemsworth tinder GIF by lunarpapacy

 

Above picture – This is how I tracked the swipe rights(yes) and the swipe lefts(no). I used tally charts to count the amount. In the beginning I used four of these small sheets each and by day 6  I reduced the amount of sheets to just 1 .

 

  • Day 3- 4 matches

 

  • Swiped yes-33

 

  • Swiped no-410

 

Day three the recommended guys were definitely not my type.  

I talked to one guy for ages before I realised he was only after one thing.

judge judy eye roll GIF

 

  • Day 4-total matches 55
    Conversations-9
    Swiped yes-12
    Swiped no-28

Again,wasn’t a good day for swiping however, I was able to establish what type of guy I like(brown hair,brown eyes,very attractive,nice personality,tall)

 

i want you flirt GIF

 

  • Day 5- total matches 59
    conversations-9
    Swiped yes-17
    Swiped no-330

I’m starting to look really picky aren’t I?

 

picky prude GIF

  • Day 6- matches remained the same.
    Down to three full conversations
    Swiped yes-2
    Swiped no-75

On day 6, I switched to only doing tally chart on one piece of paper and only swiping until I ran out of space on paper.

 

homer simpson episode 10 GIF

 

  • Day 7- 4 matches today
    59 matches in total
    Three conversations
    No swiping today

On day 7 , I didn’t bother swiping as I felt it wasn’t really needed. I had already gotten 59 matches where I only had a conversation with three men. 3/59 ! Other guys said hey and I never heard from them for the rest of the week. One jerk proceeded to behave in a horrible manner to me and was very disrespectful for the simple reason I said no to sleeping with him ( no wonder you’re single lad ) .

i wonder emma stone GIF by Saturday Night Live

 

Matches chart out of 55 matches day 4

1. Brown hair-35 guys          63%
2. Brown eyes-29 guys         52%
3. Within 30 km-24 guys     43%
4. Tall-20 guys                      36%
5. Age 18-20- 19 guys         34%
6. Age20-25=16 guys          29%
7. Beard-9 guys                    16%
8. Over 50km-9 guys           16%
9. Green eyes-5 guys              9%
10. Shane,Stephen,

sean- 4 guys                           7%
11 .40km-4  guys                    7%
12. Tattoos-2 guys                  3%
13. over 25-1 guy                   1%
14. Blonde hair-1 guy             1%
15. 50km-0 guys                     0%

 

Said hey first- 7 guys

 

 

Majority of guys on Tinder

  • Have beards
  • Cigarette in their mouth
  • High hairstyle
  • Are called Shane,Sean or Stephen.
  • Are not going to text you
  • Are students

 

Why I swiped left

  • Didn’t find them attractive
  • Group photos
  • Pictures with other girls
  • All body pictures(abs,gym etc)
  • Knew them
  • Inappropriate bio
  • Fake profile
  • Christmas Jumpers
  • Only after one thing(need I say more?)

 

siggy GIF

My tips for the men using or thinking of going on tinder are:

  • Use a nice bio – Not many women are going to swipe right if you mention you have many leather whips up for use. In your bio,keep it short and to the point but mention specifically what you are looking for (relationship,hookup etc) and mention what you bring to the table(can you cook, can you carry in the shopping,are you a good listener,are you open to watching romantic movies ?).
  • Mention your height – Yes height is important .Nobody wants to show up to a date where your match is 6 ft 7  and you’re 5 ft.
  • Occupation: Do you work?What do you do?Are you a student?
  • Put your best picture of you on your own. It will save you the dreaded which one are you later on.
  • Don’t put an ab picture as your best picture . Yes you have a nice body but will you cuddle with me ?Probably not.
  • Quit adding your snapchat name. Not every girl wants to receive a dick pic.
  • Add more than one picture(at least three from different angles)
  • Just stop it with the group photos already(again how are we supposed to know which guy you are?)
  • Read bios carefully. Before you text your match make sure you read if he or she are interested in just a hookup or a serious relationship. It will save you the awkwardness later.
  • Just say hey already. No your match is not going to bite.

 

Conclusion: Tinder is a very interesting app. It has it’s good and bad moments. You may match with a genuinely nice guy or a complete jerk like I mentioned above. Tinder being defined as a hookup app isin’t entirely correct. There are men on it that are looking for a serious relationship but unfortunately there aren’t many. There are also men that will lead you on and make you think they want a relationship but they don’t. From my week on Tinder, I did not get into a relationship and I didn’t meet any of my matches in person.

I wouldn’t recommend Tinder if you are looking for a long term relationship due to the many reasons stated above. I think I’m just gonna go with Jeremy’s advice from The Mindy Project for now . x

 

 

mindy project GIF

 

Why I Like Reading

I like reading and there are many reasons why and here are a few:  Books transport me to another world. A world where society is different,the people are different,where every place I go I am a different character with a different personality. Sometimes I am the heroine, sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I get the (really hot bad guy that everyone wants) you know the guy right??😁Sometimes I get the really nice guy and sometimes I don’t get any guy.

I wear an old fashioned dress or a bodycon. I look for a husband in a competitive culture or the guys are in search for a wife. I’ve been in love or I’ve never loved. I am lost or I am found. There are various possibilities with various outcomes. In books you can be whoever you want to be. You’ve lived so many lives without even realising it. Books allow you to dream and to explore the what ifs.

Books calm the mind. They give you a sense of accomplishment after you finish the book. For this reason and the many others I’ve mentioned above , I would encourage everyone to read as often as they can.

My Favourite Horror Films

I have been watching horror movies since I was about 5. My mam is a massive horror fanatic and she has introduced me to some of the best horror films that have ever been made. Below is a list of my favourite horror movies and included is a scare factor based on how scary the film was on a scale of 1- 10 (1 being not scary 10 being scary) and the overall rating of the film out of 5 stars. All synopsis are taken from https://www.imdb.com/

  • Halloween(1978)

    I have to start off this list with Halloween. This is one of the best horror films of all time and must be watched every Halloween. According to IMDb “Fifteen years after murdering his sister on Halloween night 1963, Michael Myers escapes from a mental hospital and returns to the small town of Haddonfield to kill again.” Starring Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasance. This is a must watch.
    Scare factor – 10
    Rating – 5 Stars

Image result for halloween 1978

  • Psycho(1960)

    I think most people have seen Psycho directed by Alfred Hitchcock at this stage.” A Phoenix secretary embezzles $40,000 from her employer’s client, goes on the run, and checks into a remote motel run by a young man under the domination of his mother.” The young man in question is Norman Bates and the audience soon find out that all is not what it seems at Bates Motel.
    Scare factor – 10
    Rating- 5 Stars

Image result for psycho 1960

  • The Conjuring(2013)

    I think when you see “based on a true story” at the beginning of a film it immediately makes it just a tad bit more interesting. Plus any film with Vera Farmiga in it, you can bet your ass I’m gonna watch it . “Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.”
    Scare factor- 9
    Rating- 4 Stars

Image result for the conjuring 2013

  • Texas Chainsaw 3D(2013)

    I really love this movie. The only thing that I didn’t like was the really cringe one liners. If you’re looking for lots of scares I would give this one a skip but If you’re looking for an enjoyable slasher movie then this is really enjoyable. “A young woman travels to Texas to collect an inheritance; little does she know that an encounter with a chainsaw-wielding killer is part of the reward.”
    Scare factor – 5
    Rating- 5 Stars

Image result for texas chainsaw 3d

  • The Ring(2002)

    I’m not sure how I feel about this movie. Don’t get me wrong it’s scary half of the time but when Naomi Watts starts investigating then it gets a tad bit boring but for the fact that it has the ability to scare the shit out of you its on the list. “A journalist must investigate a mysterious videotape which seems to cause the death of anyone in a week of viewing it.”
    Scare factor- 6
    Rating- 3 Stars

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  • Let the right one in(2008)

    While the american version is good it can’t beat the original. It’s subtitled but the tale is just too good it has to be watched. “Oskar, an overlooked and bullied boy, finds love and revenge through Eli, a beautiful but peculiar girl.” Not only is the relationship between Eli and Oskar cute asf but this film has plenty of scares too.
    Scare factor- 5
    Rating- 4 Stars

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  • The Woman In Black(2012)

    While it is a remake from the 1989 version,this is one of those films that’s not just scary, it’s really really creepy. Those toys are just (shiver). Anyway, Daniel Radcliffe was excellently cast in this film and just a heads up,don’t watch this on your own. “A young solicitor travels to a remote village where he discovers the vengeful ghost of a scorned woman is terrorizing the locals.”
    Scare factor- 10
    Rating- 4 Stars

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  • Dead Silence(2007)

    If you are looking for a film to watch that will scare the living shit out of you then this is the film to watch. So just sit down, popcorn in lap and get ready to run out of the room as fast as you can before that creepy doll catches you.Just kidding,but seriously,maybe turn on a lamp in the corner? “A young widower returns to his hometown to search for answers to his wife’s murder, which may be linked to the ghost of a murdered ventriloquist.”
    Scare factor-10
    Rating-5 Stars

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  • Insidious (2010)

    This is a really good horror. The scares and the cast are brilliant. The setting is also pretty spooky. “A family looks to prevent evil spirits from trapping their comatose child in a realm called The Further.” I think it’s not so much about the scares but if it’s you’re first time watching it ,they really are unpredictable.
    Scare factor-9
    Rating- 4 Stars

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  • Train to Busan(2016)

    Another great horror but this one is for the zombie fanatics. This is subtitled(made in South Korea). The director really did a good job on this one and after watching I guarantee that you’ll think so too. Oh,and even though it’s a horror, you’re gonna need a box of tissues,lots of emotion in this one.
    “While a zombie virus breaks out in South Korea, passengers struggle to survive on the train from Seoul to Busan.”
    Scare factor- 7
    Rating- 5 Stars

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  • Don’t Breathe(2016)

    This movie is leaning a bit towards thriller than horror but it’s enjoyable all the same. A fast- paced movie guaranteed to keep you on your seat. ” Hoping to walk away with a massive fortune, a trio of thieves break into the house of a blind man who isn’t as helpless as he seems.”
    Scare factor-7
    Rating- 4 Stars

Image result for dont breathe movie

  • An American Werewolf In London(1981)

    After watching the beginning, you’re most likely gonna get hooked. This movie is a bit gory but not too gory and there is also a naughty shower scene,just a heads up. “Two American college students on a walking tour of Britain are attacked by a werewolf that none of the locals will admit exists.”
    Scare factor- 5
    Rating- 5 Stars

Image result for an american werewolf in london

  • You’re Next(2011)

    A must watch slasher movie. Bit gory but bearable to watch.If you suffer from vertigo or photosensitive epilepsy then I wouldn’t recommend watching.
    “When the Davison family comes under attack during their wedding anniversary getaway, the gang of mysterious killers soon learns that one of the victims harbors a secret talent for fighting back.”
    Scare factor-7
    Rating-5 Stars

Related image

  • Hush(2016)

    There are two main things you need to know about hush .1. The main character is deaf. 2.Spoiler Alert!!  This is the only horror I’ve seen where the killer takes off his mask very early on. Very well made horror.  “A deaf writer who retreated into the woods to live a solitary life must fight for her life in silence when a masked killer appears at her window.  

         Scare factor- 7 

         Rating – 4 Stars         

Image result for hush movie

  • Lights Out(2016)

    A great tip for ya-leave the lights on! “Rebecca must unlock the terror behind her little brother’s experiences that once tested her sanity, bringing her face to face with a supernatural spirit attached to their mother.”
    Scary factor- 9
    Rating- 4 Stars

Image result for lights out movie

  • The Shallows(2016)

    I wouldn’t really class this movie as a horror more a thriller but anyway this is slow at times but overall a very good movie.”A mere 200 yards from shore, surfer Nancy is attacked by a great white shark, with her short journey to safety becoming the ultimate contest of wills.”
    Scary factor- 7
    Rating- 4 Stars

Image result for the shallows movie

  • Shutter(2008)

This movie is similiar to The Grudge but brings photography into the mix. It’s pretty damn scary.    ” A newly married couple discovers disturbing, ghostly images in photographs they develop after a tragic accident. Fearing the manifestations may be connected, they investigate and learn that some mysteries are better left unsolved.”

Scare factor- 9

Rating- 5 Stars

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  • Case 39(2009)

    I never thought that Renee Zellweger could take on a horror after playing the brilliant Bridget Jones but she proved me wrong.”A social worker fights to save a girl from her abusive parents, only to discover that the situation is more dangerous than she ever expected.”
    Scary factor-8
    Rating-4 Stars

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  • The Grudge(2004)

Last but not least I have to mention The Grudge. Not gonna lie, this film has me peeking out under the blankets at times. Definetely one of the scariest films I have ever watched so if you’re after a good scare,this ones for you. “An American nurse living and working in Tokyo is exposed to a mysterious supernatural curse, one that locks a person in a powerful rage before claiming their life and spreading to another victim.”

Scary factor- 10
Rating- 5 Stars

Image result for the grudge 2004

Loneliness

Loneliness has always been a tough topic for me to discuss with counsellors.  I always get upset when the topic of friends comes up. They can see it too, the sadness behind my eyes that I’m trying so hard to hide and eventually the tears just roll down my cheeks. However I would rather have real friends who are there for you in your darkest moments than fake friends who are only there for you when they want something or are just bored.

I don’t want you all thinking that I don’t atleast try to socialise because I do. When I go to pubs I chat away to people. I get on really well with people but I can’t seem to make friends with people my own age ( I’m 19 btw). I don’t know why, I guess we just don’t have anything in common.

I’m hoping that one day I’ll meet people around my age and that we can go clubbing or get food in town or stay in, have a sleepover and chat and eat pizza.(I really like pizza,just saying x). It makes you feel lost and hopeless and you find it increasingly harder to socialise so sometimes you hide away but at the same time you really really want some company.

There’s a quote from The Lonely City by Olivia Laing. “….the lonelier a person gets, the less adept they become at navigating social currents. Loneliness grows around them,like mould or fur, a prophylactic that inhibits contact, no matter how badly contact is desired. Loneliness is accretive,extending and perpetuating itself. Once it becomes impacted, it is by no means easy to dislodge. “

I think this quote really highlights what loneliness is like and how hard it is to change that feeling. Loneliness is a really deep feeling and you need to find out the cause of what makes you lonely in the first place.(no friends, moved house or town, difficulty socialising etc). Once you know the cause of the loneliness then you can work on it from there.

Challenge Yourself

Here’s a challenge for you guys:Go out for a walk and say hi to as many people as you can( keep in mind there are some people believe it or not who won’t say it back but don’t let that get to you). When people do say hi back it greatly increases your self-esteem and confidence in socialising. See how you get on and it doesn’t matter if you only see one or two people on your walk, go out and try again the next day. Don’t forget to smile. x

I always find that this challenge helps me out a lot. Sure i’ve encountered a few people who didn’t say hi back or anything for that matter but it was very rare. Some people may be having a bad day or maybe are a little fed up so just saying a simple hey or hello might cheer them up but will also make you feel happier within yourself. It is so important that you guys get out there and try and socialise. Talking to a friend, a partner, a work collegue etc can dramatically improve your mood. Owning a pet can also target loneliness and as your looking after an animal you won’t feel so lonely anymore.

I hope this article helped you guys. Thanks for reading and hope you have a good day x

Romance novels- Unrealistic view of real love and relationships.

So I’ve read a lot of books,particularly romance ones but one thing has stood out to me. Why does the heroine have to be stuck between two guys, then enter a relationship by seemingly choosing one of them?Now let’s be honest here,how often does this situation actually happen?(rarely).

In reality,love is about two imperfect people learning to accept one another’s flaws and loving them nonetheless. So why is the romance portrayed in books so unrealistic? Why are authors giving us the idea that love is about choosing someone over another rather than just accepting one person?

Couples are there for one another in every struggle their relationship endures. You don’t choose your partner,you don’t choose to fight with one another, you don’t choose to be jealous,you don’t choose to laugh at their jokes,you don’t choose to kiss them or hug them or love them.You don’t choose to fall in love. In all of these things,you don’t choose to do any of them, they just happen and that’s okay.

You choose your partner for one reason only,because you love them dearly and promise that you will continue to, through the good times and the bad. And that, unlike some romantic novels, is a realistic view of love and relationships.

Bookworm

I like to read. A lot. When I’m bored I read. On a rainy day, I read. Before I go to sleep(which I’m aware is the title of a book) , I read. Reading gives me a chance to break away from reality for a while. I like to think of it as my getaway holiday but in a book. When reading, I am a different person, I live in a different place, I’m not always human and I’m not always a heroine but I like the variety. It intrigues me.

I used to read a lot when I was younger too but I gave it up for ages. Then only about a year ago, I decided to take it up again. I don’t play any sports and I’m not a part of any clubs so I had nothing else to do with my time. I gradually got back into reading after recovering from clinical depression. I was reading lots of self-help books to cope.

Every bookworm has a Goodreads account. So far I have read over 700 books in total. I also take part in the annual goodreads challenge which I find is a lot of fun to take part in. In the summer I can read twice as many books without having to stress about anything such as exams.

My favourite book genres are romance, thriller, comedy and horror. My favourite author is Agatha Christie. I don’t have a favourite book, instead I like to add my favorite books to a “favourites” shelf on my goodreads account. Any book I have rated 5 stars goes onto that shelf.

When I have my own house, I hope to have a library. I have an image in my head of a cosy room with a floor lamp, a blue recliner, a book shelf(obviously) , a rug in the centre of the room and finally a coffee table so on a cold,rainy day, I can sit on my recliner chair with a hot chocolate and engage in a novel.

This room will also be a “me” room . No disturbances,no dogs, no husband, just me having some me time because I think every once in a while everyone just needs to switch off from everyday worries and just have some me time. Whether it’s having a bath,listening to music, going for a nap or reading a book, do whatever makes you happy and for even 5 minutes,relax. Just breathe. Take in the moment. Relax.

So there you have it. My method to relax is to read an interesting novel and since I’m a bookworm, I have to go and catch up on my summer reading list.

Comment your favourite book to read in the summer in the comments x

My 18th Birthday

I have two goals I would like to achieve above anything else. 1.To travel on a bus without getting a panic attack and safely and calmly make it to my destination. 2. To buy my own house.

I am already saving up for goal 2 but I’m finding it very hard to overcome goal 1. The first time I went to Cork on the bus, I was completely fine. I went on the bus and went shopping in Cork.

The second time was for my 18th birthday . My friend and I had planned to go shopping in the city. That did not go to plan. We waited outside the bus stop for the bus to arrive and while we were waiting I got this overwhelming sense of panic. The bus arrived and I got on. “Come on Tara, It’ll be fine”. It was not fine.

I frantically searched for my earphones in my handbag hoping that the music would calm me down but my hands were shaking so much, I couldn’t pick anything up. There was another bus stop at the other side of town. My friend could see what was happening. I was having a panic attack. I felt trapped. I needed air. My friend turned to me. “Do you want to get off the bus?” Yes, I said.

I got off the bus. I watched as the bus drove away on route to the city as I stood there feeling ashamed and embarrased. Suddenly, I burst into tears. I couldn’t stop crying. I was still shaking. “It’s okay, take a drink of water”. I reached for the water bottle in my bag and took a sip. I didn’t feel any calmer. I was still crying. My friend held me tight and kept telling me everything’s okay, everything’s okay.

My parents were driving in a nearby town. My friend called them. Tears were rolling down my cheeks.” I want to go, Please I want to go to Cork. Please.” We can’t go today. We will go another day I promise. You need to rest.”

We sat outside a small park. Several people past but I didn’t care that they saw me with my eyes filled with tears, my face hot with rage. I was angry at myself. I couldn’t manage to do one simple thing. My parents arrived around 10 minutes later. We got in the car. My parents turned around to look at me. They understood. Nobody was angry . They just understood. I went upstairs to my room. I took my antidepressant and rested on my bed. My mother hugged me while both her and my father said I needed to calm and rest for a while.

So ya it wasin’t the greatest 18th birthday but I realised something. I had people with me that day who I realised truly cared about me and loved me. They understood me. They made me feel safe and that’s all I needed to ease my anxiety.

Included picture of exact day I turned 18 ( not day I was going to Cork )