S.A.D(Seasonal Affective Disorder)

I recently ran a poll on Twitter . Out of 10 people, 50 percent of you said you suffer from S.A.D and 50 percent said you don’t.  There were also two people who mentioned they used to suffer from S.A.D but don’t anymore.

According to https://www.mayoclinic.org/, S.A.D(seasonal affective disorder) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons. Symptoms usually start in autumn and continue into the winter months.

While the exact cause of S.AD is unknown, it could be linked to reduced exposure of sunlight. Being out in the sun improves our mood but as there is little sunlight during the day and it gets dark earlier, it dramatically affects our mood.

Symptoms of S.A.D

  • Very low mood
  • Feelings of despair, guilt and worthlessness
  • Low self-esteem
  • Tearfulness
  • Becoming less sociable
  • Lack of energy

These are only a few symptoms of S.A.D but it is important to talk to your doctor to get a correct diagnosis. In order to get a correct diagnosis, your doctor may ask about your mood, lifestyle and any changes in your thoughts and behaviour.

Treatments for S.A.D

  • Light therapy – Light therapy lamps( also known as SAD lamps) work by giving off bright light that mimics natural outdoor light.
  • Take vitamin D supplements – Due to less sunlight our mood can be affected. Vitamin D is essential for the development of healthy bones, muscles and teeth.
  • Healthy habits – Exercise, get enough sleep, eat healthier and reduce stress. Doing all of these will improve your mood dramatically especially if your mood is low.


When to see a doctor

  • If you feel down for days at a time
  • You no longer want to do the activities you normally enjoy
  • If your sleep patterns have changed (sleeping too little or too much)
  • Appetite has changed(especially eating more carbohydrates than normal)
  • Substance abuse
  • You feel hopeless or think about suicide

Remember to tell someone about how you are feeling and ask for help if you need to. Take Care X

Counselling Issues

My doctor recently referred me to some counsellors after I had clinical depression. I thought that talking with someone other than my parents about how I was feeling would help and in the past it has but I haven’t been able to get a counsellor since …

Between the long waiting lists, and the short” we’ll get back to you” it can be really hard to get a counsellor. Especially a one at low costs. I recently called a counselling service and was told to opt in to the service so they could arrange for me to visit. I thought great, I’ll be able to see a counsellor in no time. I got a short text message” we have received your call and we’ll get back to you”. They never got back to me.

It really annoys me that this is allowed to happen. I’m okay now but I keep thinking of the people who are severely suicidal and need urgent care. You can’t expect them to wait can you? What are they supposed to do? Within that space of time anything could happen. They are depending on the service counsellors provide. They need urgent care and assistance. We’ll get back to you is simply not good enough.

I was also told the other day that I can’t receive any other services or funding because I haven’t been seen by a consultant/psychiatrist. Basically, she meant I’m not “bad enough”. What exactly is bad enough? When you are on the verge of dying? When you feel like giving up?

The mental health services seriously need to help people as quick as possible. Waiting months on end isin’t going to be of much use to a suicidal person. Thousands of people all over the world suffer from mental health issues on a daily basis. Yes, antidepressants help but what if it just isin’t enough?

I am lucky to have my parents to talk to but I honestly feel so sorry for the people who don’t have anybody to talk to. Mental health is not something that can be just brushed aside. People like me can’t do much more than wait so the only thing I can do is keep referring myself to different mental health services and counsellors and hope that I get a place.

Take Care X


According to psychiatry.org, Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. This is correct but from somebody who suffers from depression, my definition is a little different.

Depression is:

  • Not washing your hair for days
  • Not wanting to socialise
  • Wanting to stay in bed
  • Lots and lots of crying
  • Feeling like you’re not good enough or worthless
  • Feeling like you’re existing but not living
  • Not wanting to do the things you normally enjoy
  • Losing or gaining weight
  • Just sitting in a dark room
  • Changes in use of social media( little or lots of use)
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Bad thoughts
  • Veryyyy tired
  • Not talking much or not at all
  • Feeling more lonely than usual
  • Craving affection
  • Anti-depressants
  • Procrastination
  • Feeling like no one cares
  • Can’t concentrate
  • Can’t make your own decisions
  • Listening to sad songs to make you even more sad
  • Feeling overly sad/depressed

Depression is real. It’s not just a phase and it shouldn’t be ignored. Talk to someone about how you are feeling. Depression is diagnosed after suffering from some of the symptoms above for two weeks or more. Your mental health is so important. Take care of it and take care of yourself. X

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My Bad Online Experience

I wanted to explain why I haven’t been blogging or active on social media in the last few weeks. About three-four weeks ago, someone started texting me on Twitter which then moved to Instagram. It was nice to talk to someone who promised me the sun, the moon and the stars. Someone who seemed like they cared. I thought how I felt was real. I didn’t realise that something was wrong. In the beginning, a somewhat relationship endured and then the quick proposal soon after. I’m only 18 there wasn’t a hope I was getting married this soon but I thought if this worked out it could happen in my 20s.

I have seen long distance relationships work out from several couples on social media so I thought maybe if it’s meant to be it could work out. The texting continued and later he asked me to buy him a phone because he felt I was far from him. I was very angry at this. I gave out about him only wanting a visa and I received paragraphs back stating his genuine love and affection and said it was a pity I was so controlling. (Me.Controlling.?? )

When I mentioned the visa, he flipped and stated that he wasn’t like the other men who scam in his country. I stupidly believed him. He made me feel guilty about everything, especially dating.  For weeks I felt miserable and completely worthless.( Just because I have different beliefs or am from a different country does not mean you get to judge me.) I thought that he wouldn’t care about me if I didn’t change.

I turned to religion. Everything I’ve ever done and everything I’ve ever said to anyone all came into my head and I suddenly felt like I was a complete mess. He had somehow managed to charm his way into brainwashing me by using my vulnerability.

I was severely depressed. I wasn’t eating and I slept most of the time. My parents began to notice that I wasn’t my usual self. At some point my mind said” stop Tara something is wrong here”. He was a controlling, manipulative asshole. He thought that he could control me from another country because he was so desperate for a visa. He had found a victim and through his smile I had fallen straight into his trap.

On the night he texted I didn’t really feel like talking and then around an hour later I texted him saying I can’t do this anymore, I need to look after my mental health. I told him that he was making me completely miserable. I received countless paragraphs one after the other.” It’s real. You are free but please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you”.  I would never be free if I let him continue to make me miserable. I proceeded to block him on all social media. He panicked and added pictures of me on his Instagram. He wouldn’t take them down. He then got my number off of WhatsApp and texted.

I was afraid of him. Of what he might do next. He had controlled me for so long and continued to think he still could. I realised that he didn’t really know me at all. I blocked his number. After that I spiralled into a deep depression.

I had suicidal thoughts. I was so scared, so afraid of thoughts that came into my head. Bad, bad thoughts. My mind was in control and I felt so guilty all of the time. I cried all the time and felt so worthless, so out of place.

I remember sitting in the car one day and these really bad thoughts came into head. This really frightened me. I really didn’t want to die but I didn’t know what to do. I went to my doctor after who was so helpful. He listened and discussed how I was feeling and then gave me some counselling options.

I know for a fact that if I didn’t have my parents and my doctor to turn to I would not be here writing this. I missed two days of college and then went back which is good because college takes my mind off of things. I managed to get on a bus which I thought I would never do. I am so proud of myself, of all I have overcome. I found out after I had had a nervous breakdown. The experience had impacted my mental health and caused the depression to return.

If somebody or something is affecting your mental health in a negative way that someone or something has to go. No exceptions. Don’t give your private information like your phone number to anyone online. Nobody should have the ability to control you or make you feel like shit. Nobody’s perfect. We all have a past and we all have flaws. We are human.

If you are depressed or experiencing anything I have discussed above please talk to somebody. You might think that people won’t care or understand what you are going through but trust me they do. There are millions of people all over the world who suffer from mental health issues on a daily basis.  You aren’t perfect, nobody is, but you are you.

You are unique and most importantly, you are not alone. Take care X



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My favourite anxiety memes

You can already tell by the title what this post is going to be about. According to Google,anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. An average day consists of intense procrastination,overthinking and believing that the person who didn’t text you back now hates you. Ah, doesn’t anxiety sound great?

Anxiety is a struggle for so many people across the world but I think that a little humour about something that is so difficult to deal with on a day-to-day basis can make you feel an awful lot better. Here are my favourite anxiety memes:

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Things that trigger anxiety in me

I’m not gonna lie, anxiety can be a pain in the ass. I have had anxiety nearly four years now but I have learned to cope with it. Fitness, diet changes and socializing have all helped. However,there are still some things that trigger anxiety in me.

  • Dark rooms:

I must have at least a small lamp in the corner if the room is very dark. I’ve always been a tad bit afraid of the dark but I think it’s mostly down to fear of the unknown. Not great in cinemas either.

  • Elevators:

I will not go into an elevator. Claustrophobia x 1000

  • Buses:

I’m still having trouble travelling on a bus due to panic attacks but I’ll slowly be training myself shortly to take a full bus journey anxiety-free before college.

  • Going to an event:

#stomach butterflies

  • Making a phone call:

I am guilty of asking my parents to arrange a doctor/hairdresser appointment because well, I can’t.

I have many other fears and phobias but ones that I don’t get panic attacks from.(arachnophobia etc).  Anyway, these are the main scenarios where I panic due to anxiety.

Breathing gifs for anxiety

I have compiled a few breathing gifs that you can use at anytime by returning to this page.  I suffer from anxiety and I know how hard it is to try and control your breathing especially in a panic attack .These gifs can help.

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relax chill GIF by DeStress Monday






relax chill GIF by DeStress Monday






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If you are ever experiencing a panic attack or just need a breather,return to this page and perform the breathing exercise gifs above. I hope these help. Take care x


Loneliness has always been a tough topic for me to discuss with counsellors.  I always get upset when the topic of friends comes up. They can see it too, the sadness behind my eyes that I’m trying so hard to hide and eventually the tears just roll down my cheeks. However I would rather have real friends who are there for you in your darkest moments than fake friends who are only there for you when they want something or are just bored.

I don’t want you all thinking that I don’t atleast try to socialise because I do. When I go to pubs I chat away to people. I get on really well with people but I can’t seem to make friends with people my own age ( I’m 19 btw). I don’t know why, I guess we just don’t have anything in common.

I’m hoping that one day I’ll meet people around my age and that we can go clubbing or get food in town or stay in, have a sleepover and chat and eat pizza.(I really like pizza,just saying x). It makes you feel lost and hopeless and you find it increasingly harder to socialise so sometimes you hide away but at the same time you really really want some company.

There’s a quote from The Lonely City by Olivia Laing. “….the lonelier a person gets, the less adept they become at navigating social currents. Loneliness grows around them,like mould or fur, a prophylactic that inhibits contact, no matter how badly contact is desired. Loneliness is accretive,extending and perpetuating itself. Once it becomes impacted, it is by no means easy to dislodge. “

I think this quote really highlights what loneliness is like and how hard it is to change that feeling. Loneliness is a really deep feeling and you need to find out the cause of what makes you lonely in the first place.(no friends, moved house or town, difficulty socialising etc). Once you know the cause of the loneliness then you can work on it from there.

Challenge Yourself

Here’s a challenge for you guys:Go out for a walk and say hi to as many people as you can( keep in mind there are some people believe it or not who won’t say it back but don’t let that get to you). When people do say hi back it greatly increases your self-esteem and confidence in socialising. See how you get on and it doesn’t matter if you only see one or two people on your walk, go out and try again the next day. Don’t forget to smile. x

I always find that this challenge helps me out a lot. Sure i’ve encountered a few people who didn’t say hi back or anything for that matter but it was very rare. Some people may be having a bad day or maybe are a little fed up so just saying a simple hey or hello might cheer them up but will also make you feel happier within yourself. It is so important that you guys get out there and try and socialise. Talking to a friend, a partner, a work collegue etc can dramatically improve your mood. Owning a pet can also target loneliness and as your looking after an animal you won’t feel so lonely anymore.

I hope this article helped you guys. Thanks for reading and hope you have a good day x

My 18th Birthday

I have two goals I would like to achieve above anything else. 1.To travel on a bus without getting a panic attack and safely and calmly make it to my destination. 2. To buy my own house.

I am already saving up for goal 2 but I’m finding it very hard to overcome goal 1. The first time I went to Cork on the bus, I was completely fine. I went on the bus and went shopping in Cork.

The second time was for my 18th birthday . My friend and I had planned to go shopping in the city. That did not go to plan. We waited outside the bus stop for the bus to arrive and while we were waiting I got this overwhelming sense of panic. The bus arrived and I got on. “Come on Tara, It’ll be fine”. It was not fine.

I frantically searched for my earphones in my handbag hoping that the music would calm me down but my hands were shaking so much, I couldn’t pick anything up. There was another bus stop at the other side of town. My friend could see what was happening. I was having a panic attack. I felt trapped. I needed air. My friend turned to me. “Do you want to get off the bus?” Yes, I said.

I got off the bus. I watched as the bus drove away on route to the city as I stood there feeling ashamed and embarrased. Suddenly, I burst into tears. I couldn’t stop crying. I was still shaking. “It’s okay, take a drink of water”. I reached for the water bottle in my bag and took a sip. I didn’t feel any calmer. I was still crying. My friend held me tight and kept telling me everything’s okay, everything’s okay.

My parents were driving in a nearby town. My friend called them. Tears were rolling down my cheeks.” I want to go, Please I want to go to Cork. Please.” We can’t go today. We will go another day I promise. You need to rest.”

We sat outside a small park. Several people past but I didn’t care that they saw me with my eyes filled with tears, my face hot with rage. I was angry at myself. I couldn’t manage to do one simple thing. My parents arrived around 10 minutes later. We got in the car. My parents turned around to look at me. They understood. Nobody was angry . They just understood. I went upstairs to my room. I took my antidepressant and rested on my bed. My mother hugged me while both her and my father said I needed to calm and rest for a while.

So ya it wasin’t the greatest 18th birthday but I realised something. I had people with me that day who I realised truly cared about me and loved me. They understood me. They made me feel safe and that’s all I needed to ease my anxiety.

Included picture of exact day I turned 18 ( not day I was going to Cork )

My Fitness Journey

In January I decided to make a goal for myself. Since everyone else was talking about their new year resolution, I wanted to make a new year resolution that I would actually stick to and wouldn’t give up on after two weeks(come on we’ve all done it). My goal was to get fit and to get strong.
After my struggle with depression the previous year I was scarily thin. I didn’t like the way I looked. While some people thought it was normal because I was thin but had a good figure,the truth is I wasn’t healthy. I don’t just mean healthy looking I mean healthy in the inside. I was eating bad food all the time, I hardly ever ate fruit and veg and some days I would only eat my dinner and then go back to bed. That has all changed .

At one stage(before I started doing workouts) I weighed 7 stone. Then I started the femniqe workout (brutal butt and legs workout) and I gradually got to 7 stone 11 and a quarter pounds. That was in January. Now 6 months later I weigh 8 stone 5 pounds. I know that it doesn’t seem like much but to me, I love my body now. I love my stronger body and I love me. I still have the picture when I first started my fitness workout and I like to compare it with the way I look now and see the difference.

I originally got inspired by Stef Josen. I saw an article about her earlier on in the year about her struggle with an eating disorder and to getting a strong body. There are so many influencers out there who are giving people tips on how to get a big butt and to get that hourglass figure.
You don’t need an hourglass figure to be happy . It doesn’t matter if you are skinny or curvy or in between. If you are happy with your body, then keep it that way. There’s no need for you to change to fit society’s wants.                                                                                                                                                  Personally, I am so glad that I got into fitness. The workouts have made me fit and strong. Fitness has improved my confidence and has got me to do things I never imagined doing. Fitness has made me strong and now I am happy with my body and happy just being me.