Loneliness has always been a tough topic for me to discuss with counsellors. I always get upset when the topic of friends comes up. They can see it too, the sadness behind my eyes that I’m trying so hard to hide and eventually the tears just roll down my cheeks. However I would rather have real friends who are there for you in your darkest moments than fake friends who are only there for you when they want something or are just bored.
I don’t want you all thinking that I don’t atleast try to socialise because I do. When I go to pubs I chat away to people. I get on really well with people but I can’t seem to make friends with people my own age ( I’m 19 btw). I don’t know why, I guess we just don’t have anything in common.
I’m hoping that one day I’ll meet people around my age and that we can go clubbing or get food in town or stay in, have a sleepover and chat and eat pizza.(I really like pizza,just saying x). It makes you feel lost and hopeless and you find it increasingly harder to socialise so sometimes you hide away but at the same time you really really want some company.
There’s a quote from The Lonely City by Olivia Laing. “….the lonelier a person gets, the less adept they become at navigating social currents. Loneliness grows around them,like mould or fur, a prophylactic that inhibits contact, no matter how badly contact is desired. Loneliness is accretive,extending and perpetuating itself. Once it becomes impacted, it is by no means easy to dislodge. “
I think this quote really highlights what loneliness is like and how hard it is to change that feeling. Loneliness is a really deep feeling and you need to find out the cause of what makes you lonely in the first place.(no friends, moved house or town, difficulty socialising etc). Once you know the cause of the loneliness then you can work on it from there.
Here’s a challenge for you guys:Go out for a walk and say hi to as many people as you can( keep in mind there are some people believe it or not who won’t say it back but don’t let that get to you). When people do say hi back it greatly increases your self-esteem and confidence in socialising. See how you get on and it doesn’t matter if you only see one or two people on your walk, go out and try again the next day. Don’t forget to smile. x
I always find that this challenge helps me out a lot. Sure i’ve encountered a few people who didn’t say hi back or anything for that matter but it was very rare. Some people may be having a bad day or maybe are a little fed up so just saying a simple hey or hello might cheer them up but will also make you feel happier within yourself. It is so important that you guys get out there and try and socialise. Talking to a friend, a partner, a work collegue etc can dramatically improve your mood. Owning a pet can also target loneliness and as your looking after an animal you won’t feel so lonely anymore.
I hope this article helped you guys. Thanks for reading and hope you have a good day x